Would you like to help someone who doesn't want help?
Yes - I get asked this a LOT....
'How can I help 'so and so'? He/She doesn't want help, doesn't want to address the issue or doesn't even know there is one! ....
First, thing to keep in mind is, this is very common and you are not the only one tearing your hair out with love and concern for someone.
So...how DO you help?
Let me tell you a very short story....
Yesterday I was gardening. While weeding my flower bed I came across a very tired looking Bumble Bee. He did not want to move and I did not want to hurt him.
I poked him a little and tried to move him on so I could continue but he wouldn't budge,
and I attempted to lift him but he kept curling up and moving away. I was afraid I would injure him.
I wanted to put him somewhere safer but my help that he was adamantly refusing appeared to be doing more harm than good.
Then I realized...'Maybe he is just weak and hungry!'
I ran inside, put a little honey on a spoon and brought it out to him.
Tentatively he crawled nearer, smelling its scent and soon he was sucking it up with gusto.
He ate all on the spoon and sat there for a minute as though looking at me.
We stared at each other, he then buzzed...and flew away.
My 'help' in moving him was not what he needed.
He did not need my self imposed beliefs, my viewpoints, my opinion on what he should or shouldn't do, my pushing.. or my poking and prodding.
What he needed was something sweeter, something more satiating, more fulfilling ...
something more positive.
He would then, naturally and in his own time, get the energy and motivation to fly away.
When he was ready and had digested the 'sweetness'.
The end result was the same. The approach different.
Even though we mean well, pushing and prodding and offering your 'opinion' to someone, only moves them further away from us. Instead a 'sweeter' approach is to tell a story like the one I used with you above. Metaphors work. They access the unconscious mind on a deeper level and the listener will digest the info and make their own decisions from it.
Remember we are only ready for change when we decide to be.
No one else can make someone change...but YOU can set an example.
Most of all if you are concerned about someone and want to help, the best approach is to listen -
really listen (not so as to interrupt, judge or pass your advice - only if asked).
To love and tell them you love them.
To be present and constant and to tell them you are there for them whenever they need you.
When they are ready they will come to you.
Remember, you catch more bees with honey than vinegar ;-)