A conman's lesson...
So I have just got back from a weekend in Rome. An impromptu trip for my birthday :-)
I have to say I enjoyed it immensely!
I always like to boast about how I am a 'Roman Girl about town' when over there. Seen as I grew up there I like to think I am fairly 'street-wise' and savvy getting around and dealing with the persistent street sellers. However ... even I ... can sometimes be conned ... or was I? ;-)
The midday winter sun was high and we strolled along admiring the well known circle of stones that made up the Colosseum. A man in a colourful robe approached me holding up a little rope bracelet with a carved silhouette of an elephant on a little black rock.
'For you lady!', he said smiling.
'No, no thanks.' I said smiling back apologetically but steadfast.
'Thank you for the lovely smile, lady. You look happy!'
'Well yes... I guess I am.'
'You're on holiday!'
'Where from? I'm from South Africa.
'Nice. My whole family came over here, but it's tough work .....'What is your name? I am Bongani.'
'Ah right, yes, ...Danielle.'
He shook my hand and placed the bracelet in it.
'No, I don't want it, thank you!'
'It's a gift!' he continued.
'Ah no, it's okay, honestly, but thank you!'
'Please, from me, take it. I come from far. It's my gift to you. '
'I am not paying you for it.' I say feeling bad immediately.
'No, I don't want money. It's a gift! Makes me feel good and I need that!'
'Here..take these two also for your family!'
'I insist!' He smiles and starts to walk away.
'Oh look, wait! Here let me give you something...!'
Yup.... I fell hook line and sinker for it.
How? Why? Should I have not known better??
Well yes! I know this 'trick' but I still fell for it....
because...I kind'a wanted to! In fact ... I enjoyed it!
This guy was an EXCELLENT NLP Practitioner. A true expert at his craft. I loved falling for it!
It reiterated everything I have learnt and since taught.
Can YOU spot the psychological things he did?
Let's look at some of them...
1) He approached me at the RIGHT time. He knew instinctively I was in a good mood and that this was the most conducive time to influence me.
2) He complimented me and acknowledged my facial expression. Causing me already to feel the Law of Reciprocity tugging at me and he Mind Read me (knowing I was happy) resulting in me feeling unconsciously understood.
3) He thanked me - again setting off reciprocity bias.
4) Again he used MindReading - knowing I was on holiday - easy guess - but making me feel a connection.
5) He told me about him first, enticing me to follow suit - Pacing and Leading.
6) I 'invested' in him by talking back.
7) He built rapport and a connection by talking to me about himself.
8) He told me he 'needed' to feel good - Unconsciously I was driven to help his need plus I admired his feeling good by giving a gift. I wanted to feel good to by giving back also!
9) He over delivered - handing me even more than expected.
10) He walked away, leaving the ball in my court.
I could have just turned away. He took a chance. Maybe he has lost out on occasion.
But it was a well planned and extremely well executed gamble and to be honest I had to hand it to him! Literally!
We all use these psychological games whether we realise it or not.
It's natural and instinctual. Sometimes it's beneficial and sometimes it's not!
Knowing how to use it to full advantage is extremely useful.
What could YOU do with these unbelievable skills?
I loved this impromptu lesson I received from this very expert gentleman in Rome and it was most certainly deserving of a few bob!
If you are ready to catapult your communication and influence skills to his level and more...
join me and the others at The NLP Practitioner Course in March.
(Read some past Testimonials HERE!)
In the kind'time...keep dreaming big!
Your Mind Coach & NLP Trainer
Time to free that monkey!
Are you just like the monkey?
The way to catch a monkey is to use a small box with an opening big enough for him to slide his hand in - Inside you have a few nuts. When he grabs it he forms a fist and won't let go.
With his hand in a fist the opening is now too small to get his hand out and so he is left with a choice – either let go of the nuts in order to escape before the captors come or risk being caught. Unfortunately often the monkeys are caught.
Now, you probably know by now I am a MAJOR animal lover, so I am not promoting ways to catch these beautiful souls, I just wonder are you like them, even more than you think?
You see we all have a habit of wanting to hold on to things, ideas, old beliefs, our usual ways, circumstances and material stuff.
We are afraid of the uncertainty and the great ‘unknown’.
We are not sure what the future may bring so we often refuse to change, even if it is more detrimental to stay the same….
A lot of this boils down to psychology and our wonderful instilled biases and beliefs –
Such as Loss Biass.
We got those nuts and we're gonna hang on to them no matter what!
You must be kidding! I’m not giving them back now!
Just like your …. job, your relationships, your body, your routine.
Its habitual, it's comfortable, it's yours….
but is it the best thing for you?
Often we fear the big things because we are vividly IMAGINING the worst outcome, so we do nothing. Yet, we still sit at home allowing the silent killers to take hold – smoking, eating, sedentary lifestyles, unhealthy relationships, unfulfilling jobs….
You carry around the weight of your box and all you hold in it, even if it slows you down, even if it is slowly killing you….
But…. what if you understood more about how you ‘tick’ and you hence knew a way to change these limiting beliefs?
What if you had less fear in your life and more excitement?
What if you knew that your full potential was only a mindset away?
Would you then Embrace Change more?
How about really stepping out and away from your box ...
Embracing Change and coming on a transformational journey
with me on Sat 16th September at my next
Blackbelt Mastermind Bootcamp!
Come on… it's time to free that Monkey !! 🙂
Your Life & Mind Coach & NLP Trainer –
Wicklow, Dublin, Ireland & worldwide through Skype!
Halfway to quitting already?
It's only the start of the New Year and 2017 ... but... are you halfway to quitting already?
Happy New Year!
New Year's Day and I decided to walk up to the top of Mount Leinster.
From there you can see five Counties I am told.
I was enthusiastic setting off but when I parked and stepped out of the car the wind nearly carried me off the nearby cliff. I struggled on determined to get up that hill, but the wind was fierce!
By the time I got half way my ears were throbbing, my chest heaving and my cheeks were burnt with the wind. I sheltered behind a boulder and thought about turning back. It was VERY cold!
But I didn't. I buried my head in my scarf, tucked in my chin and marched on.
In fact after that point it got easier and the wind seemed to ease a little.
At the summit of my little peak I did a victory dance. I felt on top of the world! ;-)
I thought to myself mmm what's the lesson here?
The half-way point can sometimes be the hardest. This is when your mind starts playing tricks with you - sabotaging your attempts. 'Sure what's the point?...Why bother? It's waaaay too cold!', it cries.
Instead, I shut that churlish voice out at that half-way point and I made a decision to reward myself for reaching the top instead. I chose a hot chocolate and I played this out in my mind while walking up that hill, imagining the pleasure I would feel when back home and snuggled by the fire, toasting my toes and sipping my yummy chocolatey drink. The cold and the wind made the enjoyment of being warm after so much more powerful. I was driven by this and raced back down anticipating my treat.
How about you also give this a go? ;-)
Want to achieve something this year? Have a New Year's resolutions in mind?
Then.... visualize the end result - imagine the reward with all your senses.
See it, feel it, hear it, smell it and taste it!
And the biggest tip.... what is your WHY?
My 'why' is to really FEEl ALIVE. To feel like I have done my best and been present along the way. To have no regrets and to live a life of integrity and purpose. This is what makes me truly feel good.
I said to myself half way up, 'Danielle, this is your year to shine. Break through any of that c**p that pops up in your head. Shut it up fast and replace it with something better!'
This is my New Year's resolution. To break through my own self imposed limitations and to keep growing stronger and stronger. To step outside my comfort zone.
To feel the fear and do it anyway!
That's why...soon... I will be jumping out of a plane! Yep, that's right, I booked it and yea... I am mad! lol (to be continued!)
So what is your 'Why'?
Why do you really want to achieve that goal this year?
Ask yourself how will you feel when you achieve it.
If it gives you goosebumps then it's the right thing to do ;-)
Go dream big and enjoy the journey along the way!
Happy New Year,
Your Mind Coach & NLP Trainer!
P.S: Want some help in getting there? Join us on the next Blackbelt MasterMind Bootcamp
in Dublin in February HERE!
Read MORE of my Blogs HERE!
Thoughts from Danielle Serpico -
Your Mind Coach :-)