Two men met at a party and started to chat.
They spoke for over an hour with one man doing most of the talking.
He bragged about his money, the corporate empire he had created and all the knowledge he had and what he had achieved.
Eventually the other man turned to him and said, 'It was very nice to meet you.
It appears the two of us combined possess everything known to mankind.'
'Really?', said the other man with a smug smile.
'Yes. You seem to possess all the wealth in the world and know everything except one thing.'
'You just don't know you are such an unpleasant person - and I happen to know that.'
This little story illustrates perfectly the definition of arrogance.
The dictionary describes it as.. 'an attitude of superiority manifested in an overbearing manner or in presumptuous claims or assumptions.'
Do you find yourself jumping to conclusions and assumptions easily?
Recently, a wonderful student of mine asked me 'how to find the balance between arrogance and confidence', - inspiring me to elaborate on the answers I sent him :-)
It's all about where you put your FOCUS.
Confidence is based on focusing internally - ie; on yourself.
Arrogance I see more as based on external - Focusing on others.
One is self comparison - Being better than you were yesterday.
Arrogance is comparing yourself to others - Feeling better than someone else.
That's how I see it.
The more you know, the LESS arrogant I believe I have become.
There was a time I thought I knew it all -
simply because I was blinkered and could only see my map of the world.
Now I realize the more I EXPERIENCE and LEARN the better more confident I become..
BUT I also realize I know very little ;-)
In my book The BlackBelt MasterMind I have my favourite quote...
'A blackbelt is simply a white belt who never gave up.'
Learning to be humble is key....
I believe we can be vulnerable, open and expose our weaknesses and that in fact this shows confidence.
The more someone tries to push how much they 'know', the more I think they have to learn.
Of course it depends on context - for example; If someone asks for advice.
When we pass 'judgement' on others, even if it is with good intention - if it wasn't asked for it will be construed as criticism and therefore 'arrogance'.
In other words they will feel we believe we know more or are more than them.
How to find the balance?
What I do is...
1) Stretch my comfort zone daily - that keeps me humble! lol
DO something different, unusual, slightly out of your routine. Mix it up!
The act of stretching your comfort zone really shows you how much more is out there to discover!
2) Surround myself by people who know more/do more etc than me.
This soooo keeps me humble but also inspired and increasing in confidence the more I am inspired by them.
3) Keep learning.
A constant reminder and game changer - Keeps me humble yet also growing in confidence.
4) Keep being aware.
Remind myself of what matters and what's important. Remember to look at what's going on outside of myself. This helps me keep empathic and in tune with the world.
5) Keep an OPEN mind - look for being WRONG! This is great tip!
EVery time you prove yourself wrong you have bypassed that natural instinct for Confirmation Bias to kick in. This most definitely expands our minds!
6) Again the FOCUS is on YOU and NOT compared to others.
When doing your Mantra's etc, the focus is on YOU being the BEST you -
NOT BETTER than everyone else. What is your INTENT behind what you say and do?
6) Everyone's on a journey of self discovery -
We are in this TOGETHER! When we know something someone else doesn't,
it does not mean we are better than them it simply means we are slightly ahead
in that 'area' on the journey. Therefore, instead of 'pity/sympathy/ judgement'
we can feel excitement to share it with them quicker!
7) As I said in my previous Blog - look for the BEAUTY/the gift/ the diamond in everyone.
That helps keep me humble also :-)
Arrogance diminishes Wisdom.
Arrogance causes you stress to impress.
Arrogance pushes people away.
Confidence is Contagious.
Confidence causes you to feel good.
Confidence keeps you expanding your knowledge, experience and relationships.
I believe confidence comes simply from letting go and embracing who you really are.
Beauty begins the moment you stop trying to force 'it' and decide to be yourself.
P.S: If you're ready to really embrace the real you and find your confidence again,
join us on the 16th September in Dublin for The Bootcamp!